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BRITS REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE - VERY funny

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My sister sent this to me this morning , so she must be busy at her work hehe, i thought it was VERy funny ;-P

BRITS REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE

(A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America):
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how
wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter ’U’ will be reinstated in words such as ’favour’ and ’neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell
’doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ’ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ’ise’. Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary).

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The
Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ’u’ and the elimination of -ize.

You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that
you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone
or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to
carry a vegetable peeler in public.

All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All
intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly
called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings
and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

An inland revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated
to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Sorry, Britain.... too late! Immediately before you issued this revocation, we in the USA revised our World War II outcome documents, and we went ahead and let Germany have you – since they’d pretty much wrapped you up anyway.

haha!!! with the 4 weddings thing :D

Old, but not too bad. :)

i like germany :-D

Oldag - US OUtcome of WW2 - endless dribble that “they” won the war and “saved” us. Even though everyone knoews that JApan was on the verge of surrending when the US stepped in and dropped some big bombs on them were. This was of course after Germany was defeated by Europe The US just used the war to drive itself out of recession (Because Roosevelts New Deal was actually a failure!)

Sheesh !

OLDAG75 is just a twat.

Simple as that.

Oh boo hoo hoo.

Oldie but a goodie :-)

Can’t remember the movie from which this was taken... lemme check!

Was called, “How to irritate people”. LOL! Was a VERY good film!!

I already do half them things... but I’m sorry... Tony Blair is in the same Wuss Boat that Bush is (imo) and so he can go toss off to his porn collection for the world of good HE does.

When yall get a REAL PM in there, then we’ll talk. As it stands... I’m lookin at Canada or Russia for places to move to..

*_*

lol for once in my life oldag made me laugh...its funny how we cling to such moronic things as doctrines of independence.

It’s funny when you make a statement like that, but I bet anything you’d be one of the first people to scream hate crime or discrimination over something and “cling” to a doctrine of independence.

I like that!

actually spooky i wouldn’t becuase individual freedoms are nto gauranteed by pieces of paper or doctrines of man they are intiated in the invidual spirit, so peopel without that are souless automatons who type in forums liek you and I :)

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