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... and I'm on my own again.
42 replies
DaminehGessle said on September 14, 2003 06:43:
This song always brought tears to my eyes. It’s a live song which makes you want to dance, but no… the way Per sings this song, this thing in his voice makes you want to cry. Definitely not a happy song to me, never was, never will be.
It’s Saturday night. School started on September 3rd, only 10 days ago, and I’ve been up every night studying. Who knows what I’ll be doing in a month when the midterms are on their way. 1 on the 21st, 1 on 22nd, 1 on 23rd and 2 on the 24th. Thanx God one of the courses does not have a midterm!!! Anyways going back to my Saturday night story…
I’ve been awfully weird these past few days. I’ve moved back to Victoria, 3 hours away from my family, living with a roommate who seems to be a very nice girl. I was here in Vancouver last weekend and I’m back again this weekend to see my family. They’re sleeping now and I was supposed to go out tonight but didn’t. Just didn’t feel like it. Don’t know why.
I was printing my report when this song came to my mind: “Here Comes the Weekend”. I decided to change my MSN name to “and I’m on my own again” and write something in here. As it turns out I have nothing to write. It’s all the kind of feelings I can’t just pour out and type. I don’t even know what feelings they are. I just know that since this morning, I’ve been having butterflies in my stomach, not the ones you get when you see your crush. The ones that eat your brain and heart out, definitely not good.
Sometimes you are surrounded by people everywhere you go. You have a great family, amazing friends, very nice classmates and you’ve always got this big smile on your face; a trademark I can call it. You don’t smile a minute and everyone asks what’s wrong. As if it’s a crime to look still or sad even. You have got to smile even when you are tired. I don’t know why all of a sudden I am writing about this. I went off-topic again. Yeah so another walk down that lonely lane… my favourite line in the song. Oh and I’ve even started what I quit 4 months ago. I can’t believe I am doing that crap again. Sometimes life sucks. Tonight, for once in my lifetime, I felt like I need someone to reach out to. Someone to grab and cry in his chest, not her but his. Not just a friend, but someone who cares even more than a friend. It is making me cry. When will I see you again?
derek said on September 14, 2003 12:16:
Hiya Damineh .you sound really down and i wish that i could help you but as i said before we all go through these mini depressions and only you know why .you are so in conflict with your feelings and emotions it must be very tough for you .like i said if i could help you i would be on the next plane to BC to try and give you some comfort but thats not possible im afraid if ever you feel the need to talk then you know where i am dont hesitate ok i hope that you feel better soon
chantalv said on September 14, 2003 17:34:
Heja Damineh,
This feeling really sucks, doesn’t it?
I know where you’re coming from and I guess we all feel like this from time to time, and sometimes just a llittle bit longer.
It is good you’ve reached out. I hope you’ll find someone to support you, as you’ve wished/ hope for.
Hope you’re feeling better already.
Try to get and keep the good spirit again!!
DaminehGessle said on September 17, 2003 06:47:
TheRain1981, Derek and Chantal: Thank you very much. I am speechless.
I feel better these days. I’ve come to realize maybe we are not meant to have it all at once. I mean yes I have a great family, am infact smart in what I do (a double major in mechanical engineering and physics), know what I want in life and etc., maybe I am meant to be lonely deep down inside. My dad always told me those who understand more than others always feel like an outsider. Just like Gandhi, Lennon and ... I might be one who knows!? I mean no way like Gandhi but hey they were one day just like me :D. Haahaha I took it too far I guess but I will just go with the flow. At this time in my life, school and family are the most important things.
chantalv said on September 17, 2003 15:55:
Héj Damineh,
This sounds better than your first part!! Keep this up. If you are to keep that lonely feeling, I am sure you’ll give it a good place. It’s good you (can) see some good things in your live right know, never forget them. And you said you know what you want in live, that’s more than I can say at the moment. So you see: you are gonne be oké!!
And if you ever feel down, just reach out again. Might just help. :)
Emil__BG said on September 18, 2003 08:19:
DaminehGessle -thanks for sharing this with us..
maybe “we are not meant to have it all at once”... but keep dreaming..
someday monday will come :-)
The fine line from pain to pleasure
chantalv said on September 18, 2003 17:56:
And how are you feeling today? Still better and better? Hope so. :)
Roxlander said on September 18, 2003 19:50:
I’ve always been on my own too, my dear Damineh. And yes, it’s hard, sometimes those sad feelings come to you again. But deep in my heart I’m waiting for that someone who takes away the loneliness, my hope never dies. Faith keeps me going on.
DaminehGessle said on September 19, 2003 00:04:
Chantal I am fine but I am very very sick. I mean I was all fine yesterday evening and got sick in a matter of seconds :D. I just felt sick at once and bam.. The nose, throat and the head are messed up! oh well!
Yeah Roxlander but I am a weird person so it’s hard to find that someone exactly :). I think I just expect too much. Maybe I don’t. I got no clue.
Emil yeah I like that song :).
I am fine overall. That feeling is always there so it’s a constant fight :).
derek said on September 19, 2003 19:45:
hey daminah you sound a bit better. but stop asking to much from yourself maybe thats one of the problems and yes im a loner to. some times i like it and other times i dont but its my choosing and at times i dont know why but i go with the flow take care of yourself ok. some times when we think that we have everything we can still be alone if you catch my drift
DaminehGessle said on September 22, 2003 00:55:
Yeah I feel much better. Weekend was all about studying and eating soup. My nostrils are plugged which makes breathing hard. I went through my Queen dvds all day yesterday and did math as I was watching Freddie. I miss that man. Yeah so that’s all I did this weekend. And studied all day today. heehee! This guy told me he has never seen anyone doing math and have a smile on her/his face than me! he said I was crazy :D!
derek said on September 23, 2003 08:52:
that was one of my worst subjects at school maths but if you have a head for figues then its good .dont fry your brain with all that studien take some time off to smell the flowers ok
Emil__BG said on September 24, 2003 15:50:
sometimes Monday is part of weekend ...
and flowers ...you know.... fade......
DaminehGessle said on September 24, 2003 18:57:
Yes, flowers do fade! :|!
Derek, I told you I’ve caught a cold. I cannot smell anything heehee. It’s a horrible feeling.
I love math and naything that involves math and physics. I love studying. I am nuts, eh?! Heeh.
It’s sunny again. I like the sun. As soon as it starts raining, my hearts starts crying and I do not why!
chantalv said on September 24, 2003 19:46:
Hej,
Sorry it has been a while since i wrote something... but I’ve been very busy. And guess what, it was and still is schoolwork that is keeping me occupied. So Damineh, you’re not the only one. And as for studying, I like it too (most of the time), I have never minded it. So in that case, we are both ’nuts’ then. (lol)
But...
How’s your cold? You’re illness gone yet? And just a small question, are you feeling better since you started this forum? You do sound more positive.
DaminehGessle said on September 25, 2003 05:32:
Hello you,
I do feel better now. I always have my ups and downs and have been writing similar forums every once in a while. Yeah I love school. I was just talking to my brother about how lovely school is. He said I don’t look like a nerd outside, but inside I am 100% nerd. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad :D.
Cold is still there. My voice is funny. I love singing when I am sick :D.
How are you?
chantalv said on September 25, 2003 09:29:
hmm... singing when you’re sick. If I would do that, the windows would certainly break. :)
Thank you for asking how I am. I’m doing just fine. Right now I’m at college and my workinggroup are waiting for me to join them to complete the assignment. Really I can’t wait untill my trainneship starts. I miss teaching those little kids.
Well, I’ll try and write something more later on, right now I have to join the others, before the decide to carry me away from this computer.
Bye for now.
derek said on September 25, 2003 22:49:
you are not the only one who gets depressed when it rains but hey make what you can from the day because its soon tomorrow
chantalv said on September 26, 2003 07:51:
7h23 minutes to the 26th?
Quite funny that time difference. The moment your wrote that... it was already 42 minutes the 26th out here!
And Derek: you are right. Carpe Diem (cease the day)...
derek said on September 27, 2003 18:52:
i try to make my day good. some times it works and some times not .but we are only human .live for today because you never know what tomorrow may bring.good or bad .but we can only blame ourselves if the day wasnt a good one .(but its nice to give some one else the blame now and again)
antz said on September 29, 2003 23:25:
@Damineh
Hope you are feeling better.
Check your email. I have sent you something to cheer you up.
;-)
DaminehGessle said on September 29, 2003 23:44:
Aaa thank you :*
Where in New Zealand are you?!
You guys are very nice. Heeh.
It’s very sunny and nice in here. But again I dunno I am very sick and have to study lots. And my heart is feeling weird. Think something is up!
antz said on September 30, 2003 00:57:
U R WELCOME!
But did you get my email? I got another delivery failure notice.
I am from Wellington, the capital city. Spring has just begun, but it is very wet and windy today.
Take care.
DaminehGessle said on September 30, 2003 05:50:
No didn’t get your email :(
My aunt and my cousins live in Christchurch. They love it there. My cousin says Kiwi boys are hot ;).
chantalv said on September 30, 2003 19:00:
Still ill Damineh? It’s time to get well now, isn’t it? :)
Well, today was my bad-day, together with two others from college. We have made it the national-bad-day of today. As you can see, we all have these days. (lol)
........... (telehone)
But all has change with the phonecall I have just recieved. My cousin just had a baby-boy. I’m so happy. And if this boy is gonna be just as sweet, adorable and full of love as his sister (3 years old now), then I’ll have two of the best grand-cousins of all.
Just had to tell you this, for I’m so happy and wanted to make you part of my joy :)
(you = anyone who reads this)
DaminehGessle said on September 30, 2003 23:45:
Congratulations from me :D!
I am still sick, yes! It has gotten to a point where my entire face hurts. I had to go to the doctor cause my head hurt so much and he told me that my sinuses are infected now. He said sinus infection is a pretty serious thing and as my cold lead to this, this can lead to namonia if I don’t rest. I am on strong anti-biotics!
Well as you can see, I am at school. Have been here since 8:30am and will be here till 2am tonight. It’s insane the amount of work that I have to do these next two weeks. I am numb!!!
Hope I get well and hope you have fun with the baby!
antz said on October 1, 2003 04:01:
Yeah.. kiwi boys are hot!
Just sent you an email from my hotmail address. Hope you like it. Theres more where that came from!
Get well soon
; )
DaminehGessle said on October 1, 2003 05:34:
Antz: I am listening to this song again! Every word means the world to me. You know... I used to relate alot to Spending My Time, Crash! Boom! Bang! and all those beautiful songs Roxette has that I grew up to live. None at this time, give me the feeling this one gives. It’s pure and full of love, yet sorrow and plea!
DaminehGessle said on October 7, 2003 06:43:
I am very happy to say that my cold is gone :D. School is rough though and have been staying here in the lab for the past couple of days. Thanksgiving is coming which means I will go home for the long weekend. It’s raining cats and dogs. You wón’t survive out there for more than 2 seconds. Insane.
antz said on October 7, 2003 08:00:
Glad 2 hear ur feeling better. I went home 2 my folks this weekend just gone, I had a go at playing HCTW on the old piano, it sounded really sad, or maybe that was because I am out of practice.
And as for the rain ...we have had floods ...roads and hills washed away ...submerged houses ..and everything. Insane.
But dont worry I live up on a big hill so it didnt affect us.
DaminehGessle said on October 7, 2003 08:56:
I don’t we’ll ever get floods here in Victoria or even in West Vancouver. I remember back in Iran, the houses would be flooded with every inch of rain heehee.
Actually this weekend, I listened to my favourite Roxette songs for a full hour. my roommate was amazed when she heard So Far Away and Never Is A Long Time. I was singing along with the entire collection. It’s funny and at times sad cause I was able to relate these songs to someone once. Now I can’t relate them to anyone. I just sing along and feel like my heart is under so much pressure you know. When you get butterflies in your stomach and suddenly feel like you are “0”. Here Comes The Weekend is the best song I can relate myself to when it comes to the weekend. I am not in love with anyone and am not grieving over any guy anymore so none of the other songs fit into my lifestyle now. Weird!
DaminehGessle said on October 16, 2003 05:54:
antz... send me more of them. Complete ones :).
edit: Forgot to say please!
DaminehGessle said on October 20, 2003 22:11:
Cool.
What’s up?
It’s raining like never before here. We had a record high or something. It’s insane. You think God is mad?
TheRain1981 said on September 14, 2003 06:54:
Oh yes, “Here Comes The Weekend.” Gotta love this song. I can totally relate. And I know what you are feeling. :/ It’s good to vent and share your feelings. I hope you feel better.