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To Smack or Not?
52 replies
ally77 said on September 21, 2006 20:17:
I am watching a great TV programme on Smacking Children...
I was wondering what other people thought about it... (not the TV show...) Smacking children etc...
LittleSpooky said on September 21, 2006 21:29:
Honestly, any more, kids DO need to be spanked because time outs etc don’t work.
My brother and I were spanked by mom, gramma, granpa. We knew the difference between that and the beatings that my dad dished out. My two neices will get “swatted” (usually a quick smack to the butt) when they misbehave in public and if that doesn’t work, my brother takes either of them to the car and they will sit. Usually that threat will work.
Majdy said on September 22, 2006 01:30:
Not.
The worst part of smacking kids sometimes it will make them do the same when they grow up, especially when they grow up in the neighboorhood where smacking kids considered as good things to do so the kids will behave.
I had neighbour that like to smack her daughter because she didn’t do her homework. Did it make the kid do the homework next day? Nope, she kept getting smacking by her mother for the same reason for many times. Now the kid has turn into teenager, I heard recently she finally SMACK her mom back, and this time she’s stronger than her mother.
ally77 said on September 22, 2006 06:51:
I am for it to a limted.... I thought some of those parents on that TV show last night with how they behaved where nothing short of pure child abuse....
I knew if I did wrong when I was young and I got smacked by my father, until around the age of 12 when I started to fight back!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it when something wrong has been done.... and I think if more parents did it a lot of problems we have now would not be there...
rox-kuryliw said on September 22, 2006 09:08:
i was never smacked and i knew my limits , i never did anything wrong and not smacked once, so i truly think its the whole parents losing control issue. if kids get smacked they will take that anger out else where i believe. voilence breeds more voilence.
without sounding like im sterotyping which i most likely am gonna lol. Single mother living on an estate or estate non working family , the kids will most likely get smacked ( iv seen them on buses doing it for so little reasons and in supermarkets ) there the one turing to crime as they get older. Not all incase someone is a single mother living on a estate. was just trying an example. i may be wrong just my observation.
did anyone in UK watch that programme where this nanny was trying to show these familys how to control there kids correctly?!
Ferdan said on September 22, 2006 09:14:
it should be kept for really special ocasions or faults. Like being noisy while sleeping, weting the bed, getting less than B+ (or 9’s) in school. Touching the parent’s things. crying too much, asking for money and toys.
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hehe
I´d neve hit a child unless something really weird happens.
zaine said on September 22, 2006 10:53:
I was smacked when I was a kid. i dont see a problem with it to be honest.
until it gets to the point where you are causing more than just a shock to the child. ie you are physically injuring them.
I appreciate that its difficult to draw a clear line between the two though and there would always be arguments about how far is too far.
but the way kids are these days, I guess its harder to control them than it was even when I was very young.
ally77 said on September 22, 2006 11:08:
@ rox-kuryliw... I watched that Nanny programme I actually thought some of her ideas where useless with the behaviour of some of those children! Sitting on the step for time out, good in some cases, but there was a Scottish boy on that programme that was really out of control…
As I said before I was brought up smacked for doing wrong.... as for it breeding violence well I am almost 30 now and I’ve never smacked anyone in my life! (…. Have come very close with the behaviour of some of the neighbours, but so far so good….)
davidc4 said on September 22, 2006 12:49:
if you give a kid a smack on the arm or legs when they do something wrong they know that whenever they do something they know they shouldnt that they will get one which will make them think twice about doing something wrong.it worked for me.
plectrum said on September 22, 2006 14:00:
In my view there’s nothing wrong with smacking children so long as your not too extreme,it’s all part of being disaplined.A child will learn right from wrong when shown disapline,it doesn’t help when the political correctness brigade come out in force saying you can’t do this or you can’t do that but in reallity only the parents know whats best for their children,i was bought up with disapline & it’s never done me any harm & i’m proud to say that i’ve passed it onto my children (sensibly).
rox-kuryliw said on September 22, 2006 14:53:
ally77 i wasnt saying u was violent :-) just sometimes violence breeds violence.
plectrum sometimes there is a really thin line between and red bottom and a briused bottom, adults have a hell of a lot more strengh that kids, they dont know there own force when adults are angery and loose control ! !. just an idea.
plectrum said on September 22, 2006 15:43:
@rox-kuryliw,yes i agree with what you said/posted sincerely thats why i wrote (sensibly)ie not on the head or other vulnerable places & only hard enough not to leave a mark thats why if/when i smack my kids i never smack bare skin & only hard enough for them to realise they are in the wrong
ncurran said on September 23, 2006 11:07:
I am totally against it and i think there are many more effective forms of discipline. Having said that, whether a child is smacked or not has little effect on how a child will grow up, it is dependant on the parent that is administering the discipline. In this day and age though, when we understand the workings of our brains, etc...there really is no need for smacking...and when society condones it, it gives the people who cannot do it responsibly an excuse for their actions
plectrum said on September 23, 2006 15:04:
At the end of the day different people have different views on this subject & there will always be negatives & positives,like i said before it doesn’t help when the political correctness brigade come out of the woodwork,i was smacked when i was at nursury right through to being 11 years old at school when smacking was abolished & you see kids today behaving like they can do whatever they like through lack of discipline ie stood on street corners drinking alcohol being abusive towards innocent people,crime rate rising (dispite what our government says),asbo’s on the rise without trying to sound too old fashioned when i was a lad there wasn’t half as much people with anti social behaviours & that’s why i agree with smacking from a young age & for the right reasons.
ncurran said on September 23, 2006 16:50:
plectrum, that argument just doesnt stand up, I’m sorry. The children most likely to be smacked are those living in deprived areas, and it is in those areas that crime rates are highest. Children running wild has a lot to do with poverty/lack of opportunity/poor parenting skills, but nothing to do with the child not being smacked, I can assure you. And anyway the whole thing about todays teenagers being worse than ever before is a bit of a myth anyway. Crime is no higher than it was 20 years ago. Its just the luck of the draw as to which area you live in....some areas are worse, some are better. I went to a pretty rough high school in the 90’s and am now teaching in one, and the problems are no worse than they were back then, despite what many people (including teachers) say. Kids are kids at the end of the day.
ally77 said on September 23, 2006 17:28:
I know the area I live in 20 years ago was a much wanted area to live in, now it’s gone really downhill....
ncurran said on September 23, 2006 17:55:
yes, there are areas like that ally, but there are also areas where windows were boarded up and covered in graffiti 20 yrs ago which have been regenerated and are nice places to live.
Marlene said on September 23, 2006 19:46:
We raise (I hope that’s the right word) our child without smacks and it works very well.
When I compare to other mothers around which slap their children (and there are much of them, mothers I mean) they all have problems with their children. They (the children this time) do wrong again and again.
We talk with our daughter about what’s right and wrong. We tell her examples, we ask her why she did, what she did or why she don’t want to do something. Sometimes things look totally different from her point of view.
In the end she is thinking before acting. And if she’s really doing wrong - it happens as it happens all people - she comes, tells us about it and says she’s sorry. No need to argue or worse.
LittleSpooky said on September 24, 2006 00:24:
“The children most likely to be smacked are those living in deprived areas”
Maybe in your country, however, I’ve discovered that in these areas in the US – most of the children are ignored. Or they’re involved in drugs / alcohol at a very early age. The crimes committed are usually to supply habits like these.
Sparvogamarie said on September 24, 2006 08:17:
I’m a nanny and have been for 8 years now. I’ve never spanked a child and have never needed to. Those who say “time outs don’t work” simply aren’t doing them properly. Cos they do.
I was smacked as a child and hated it. I think it does carry on into your adulthood, I still tend to get very nervous when people are angry at me. I’m against smacking.
ncurran said on September 24, 2006 08:58:
“Maybe in your country, however, I’ve discovered that in these areas in the US – most of the children are ignored. Or they’re involved in drugs / alcohol at a very early age. The crimes committed are usually to supply habits like these.”
Spooks, I would say the same about here when they get to be teenagers, but by then the damage is already done. I am talking more about when they are young children. You have parents who have no idea how to raise a child, never communicate with their child, swear at them, lose their temper, and hit them regularly. Sure it might happen in wealthier areas too, but mainly in deprived areas. You can even see it for yourself because they have the gall to actually swear at and hit their children on the street. While I dont think many people would condone their behaviour as it is nothing more than abuse, my point earlier was that by others saying that ’a smack is OK’ and ’we were smacked as children and it never did us any harm’ gives them the justification for their actions so they can claim the same.
Just to add that when I was younger my fathers form of discipline was whacking me really hard with a slipper, or a leather belt if it was something really bad. I was terrified of him and used to hide under my bed if i had done anything wrong. It is something that took me a long time to get over, and I hated my dad for years. Though I have gotten over that now, and I am civil to him, I have never built up a decent relationship with him, and a lot of that is to do with the fact that I can’t really forgive him for what he did to me in the past. THe sad thing is is that he actually thinks he did nothing wrong, as it was his form of discipline....
plectrum said on September 24, 2006 14:13:
The whole subject is getting out of hand,there is nothing wrong in giving your child a smack,there are a lot of jumped up people that try & twist things & make it sound alot worse than it really is.There is a difference between smacking a child & beating or slapping a child,as i’ve said before i discipline my children!if they do something that is wrong depending on how serious it is they will get a smack,it doesn’t mean that they don’t recieve plenty of love because they get a hell of a lot of that.
Anarem said on September 24, 2006 16:11:
Why smack children when you can turn to guilt trips and threats of humilation instead? :-P
Kidding, folks|
ally77 said on September 24, 2006 17:50:
@ ncurran .... yeah we have areas like that too, only they where regenerated and crap was put to live in them and so they are in a worse state now than they where 20 years ago.... the only difference now is double glazing and satalite dishes!
plectrum said on September 25, 2006 15:39:
Throwing guilt trips & threats of humiliation doesn’t always work (speaking from experience),it gives them the courage to go test your wits to see how far they can get away with things then one thing leads to another.you have to be stricked from as early as possible so to let them know who is in charge.
ncurran said on September 25, 2006 17:58:
Of course, but you can have strict rules and effective sanctions without hitting a child.
plectrum said on September 26, 2006 02:46:
Neil i have never said that i agree with hitting a child!i am against hitting children but i’m a firm believer in discipline there is a difference believe me there is a big difference.
Jud (moderator) said on September 26, 2006 04:46:
I get totally sick when I see a somebody smack a child on the street (sometimes it happens, the kid won’t stop crying.. the somebody pulling the kid and smacking him/her) >:@ so no, I think I’d prefer to have no children before I’d hit one!!!
Needless to say, my parents never ever hit (my god, they would never every make that!!) me nor my sister and we knew perfectly were the limit was. Of course we were punished, but I actually don’t remember any big punishment so we must have been really good children :D
LittleSpooky said on September 26, 2006 05:12:
I was about 4 or 5, and I mouthed off to my grandmother. She back-handed me so quick, I never saw it coming. And she’d managed to turn her engagement ring around so it cut her, rather than me.
Never mouthed off to my grandmother again.
My dad, no matter what the infraction was, it was either grounding for x amount of weeks / months or a beating with the “Board of Education”.
I’ll give you 3 guesses as to who I respect more.
just_like_that said on September 26, 2006 08:07:
Me & my sisters never got smacked when we were young, though I do remember a flying frying pan once or twice!
I have a 2 year old daughter & I do give her a smacked bottom when she misbehaves - not straight away, but only if she persistantly will not listen to the command.....closely followed by time out in her room.
I wouldn’t dream about putting either of us through the embarrassment of smacking in public, she’s always pretty good when we’re out.
I did think that I wouldn’t be a smacker before I had her, but you never really know what you believe in until you’re in that situation.
ally77 said on September 26, 2006 09:26:
I would never punish a child outside in public, that would be unfair on both the parent and the child.
Marlene said on September 26, 2006 13:32:
’I did think that I wouldn’t be a smacker before I had her, but you never really know what you believe in until you’re in that situation.’
I know that situations. But there are other ways to solve them. OK, the other ways are harder to find but they are there. Each problem can be solved without smacking, shouting and stuff. In the end it pays off if you stay calm and treat your child like a ’full’ human being and not like someone who is weaker.
plectrum said on September 26, 2006 14:33:
some parents would rather let their kids run wild,some expect their kids to grow up to be obedient,i know how my kids will pan out
nate said on September 26, 2006 21:16:
At times I do think a smack/spanking is appropriate - however, I think that the motivation behind physical discipline makes a difference. I think that discipline motivated by love is very different from spanking and beating out of anger and frustration - my father did the latter. As a child I knew the difference, and I knew when my mother occasionally spanked me that she still loved me.
ncurran said on September 26, 2006 21:30:
I agree nate, and despite my earlier comments (and my personal stance against smacking), i don’t think a parent who smacks is necessarily a bad parent. I think that what is essential is that if you do smack that it is not being done to release your own anger, but as a legitimate sanction. A bad parent is a bad parent, and that doesnt mean that they smack or don’t smack. I am a teacher, and believe me there are many times that I would have liked to gone up to a kid and give them a good whack...but that is purely out of anger and nothing else. Of course I can imagine doing it but I could never carry it out, and I am glad that that option is not open to me, as if it was there then it would be tempting to use when i really lost my temper, rather than taking a step back and trying to resolve a situation effectively
nate said on September 26, 2006 22:35:
Well Neil, I think you make a very good point. Personally, I’m neither a parent nor a teacher. For someone who is in a position of authority over small children, it can be tempting to misuse one’s authority to physically discipline a minor out of anger/frustration (in the heat of the moment); which, can be harmful to a child’s self-esteem.
plectrum said on September 27, 2006 00:16:
@ Neil just because when you smack a child through discipline it isn’t to vent your own anger at all,i know where your coming from but you’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick,When i say i smack my kids it’s purely for discipline reasons only NOT THROUGH VENTING ANGER, i’d like to ask you if you have any kids? because what i’m getting hee is purely P.C,
ally77 said on September 27, 2006 12:35:
I think it’s okay to use a discipline if others ways don’t work.... but also I don’t have kids so I do wonder really what I would be like as a parent and how I might differ to what I say now...
Some of the kids near us are so cheeky... and it comes down to how they are brought up, but then you only have to look at how there parents behave to see where the kids get it from!
kiruna_92 said on September 29, 2006 15:44:
I think parents shouldn’t smack their kids. It’s violence. And I’ve never been smacked. Usually I got that angry that I ran straight into my room and stayed there for some hours and later became very sad. So that was enough punishment to me. But my parents is very annoying sometimes.
plectrum said on September 29, 2006 17:34:
It’s only violence depending on what state of mind your in (if your looking to hurt a child).
avahogree said on September 29, 2006 18:49:
Of course parents should be able to spank. SOME kids are good, but MOST are snotty little brats that deserve a good whack on the bottom. I was spanked when I was young. It didn’t give me any lasting psychological trauma. Parents today are too stupid to know how to discipline their children - so they do all of this “time out” bullshit. If a kid is that bad to begin with, what good is trying to make them sit in a corner for 15 minutes? What would that teach them anyway? Nothing.
Obviously, if people were good parents to begin with (when they started pooping out babies), the kids wouldn’t have grown to be such snotty little brats. So it is the parents’ own fault to begin with.
A few days ago, there were these 4 children SCREAMING outside of my house. They were about 6-7 years old. After two hours of their screeching, I simply walked straight out of the house, up to their faces and SCREAMED straight back at them. I cast a tyrade of abuse their way. The one that I focused much of my vocal energy at ended up crying and running away. I felt a beautiful sense of satisfaction after it. I suggest you all try it. It’s beautiful.
just_like_that said on October 2, 2006 07:22:
Lets put it this way..........
50years ago you could leave your front door open & there was hardly any crime compared to now, that was before all these activists opinions came into effect & stopped everyone bringing up thier children the way they felt right.
Why are some careless, disrespectful, violent & nowadays pretty dangerous?
I know my answer.
Marlene said on October 2, 2006 18:16:
I can guess your answer. But it’s most likely another one than mine...
Queen_Marie said on October 4, 2006 07:10:
@avahogree: LOL, I totally agree with you!
But seriously, I don’t have a problem with smacking. As much as I resented it as a child, I appreciate it now. I also know that every time I was smacked, I bloody well deserved it!
Obviously, I wouldn’t smack a child for just anything. It would be for serious offences only. I’d never do it in public, but if I threatened to do it while in public, God help ’em when they got home!
Keeping one’s word is important!
rox-kuryliw said on September 21, 2006 21:01:
not to smack, parents smack because of there own fustrations and faults. I was never smacked or my brothers and sisters , and were are more than fine.
ALTHOUGH i think some people need a smack not kids ! ! !