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Are Modern Americans a rude, boorish lot?

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WASHINGTON - Americans’ fast-paced, high-tech existence has taken a toll on the civil in society.

From road rage in the morning commute to high decibel cell-phone conversations that ruin dinner out, men and women behaving badly has become the hallmark of a hurry-up world. An increasing informality — flip-flops at the White House, even — combined with self-absorbed communication gadgets and a demand for instant gratification have strained common courtesies to the breaking point.

“All of these things lead to a world with more stress, more chances for people to be rude to each other,” said Peter Post, a descendent of etiquette expert Emily Post and an instructor on business manners through the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt.

In some cases, the harried single parent has replaced the traditional nuclear family and there’s little time to teach the basics of polite living, let alone how to hold a knife and fork, according to Post.

A slippage in manners is obvious to many Americans. Nearly 70 percent questioned in an Associated Press-Ipsos poll said people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago. The trend is noticed in large and small places alike, although more urban people report bad manners, 74 percent, then do people in rural areas, 67 percent.

Parents, media to blame?
Peggy Newfield, founder and president of Personal Best, said the generation that came of age in the times-a-changin’ 1960s and 1970s are now parents who don’t stress the importance of manners, such as opening a door for a female.

So it was no surprise to Newfield that those children wouldn’t understand how impolite it was to wear flip-flops to a White House meeting with the president — as some members of the Northwestern women’s lacrosse team did in the summer.

A whopping 93 percent in the AP-Ipsos poll faulted parents for failing to teach their children well.

“Parents are very much to blame,” said Newfield, whose Atlanta-based company started teaching etiquette to young people and now focuses on corporate employees. “And the media.”

Sulking athletes and boorish celebrities grab the headlines while television and Hollywood often glorify crude behavior.

“It’s not like the old shows ‘Father Knows Best,”’ said Norm Demers, 47, of Sutton, Mass. “People just copy it. How do you change it?” Demers would like to see more family friendly television but isn’t holding his breath.

Nearly everyone has a story of the rude or the crude, but fewer are willing to fess up to boorish behavior themselves.

Only 13 percent in the poll would admit to making an obscene gesture while driving; only 8 percent said they had used their cell phones in a loud or annoying manner around others. But 37 percent in the survey of 1,001 adults questioned Aug. 22-23 said they had used a swear word in public.

Yvette Sienkiewicz, 41, a claims adjuster from Wilmington, Del., recalled in frustration how a bigger boy cut in front of her 8-year-old son as he waited in line to play a game at the local Chuck E. Cheese.

“It wasn’t my thing to say something to the little boy,” said Sienkiewicz, who remembered that the adult accompanying the child never acknowledged what he had done. In the AP-Ipsos poll, 38 percent said they have asked someone to stop behaving rudely.

Slipping standards

More and more, manners are taught less and less.

Carole Krohn, 71, a retired school bus driver in Deer Park, Wash., said she has seen children’s behavior deteriorate over the years, including one time when a boy tossed a snowball at the back of another driver’s head. In this litigious society, she argued, a grown-up risks trouble correcting someone else’s kid.

One solution for bad behavior “is to put a kid off in the middle of the road. Nowadays all people want to do is sue, to say you’re to blame, get you fired,” Krohn said.

Krohn, who often greeted students by name and with a hearty “good morning,” once was asked by a child if she got tired of offering pleasantries.

Sienkiewicz, whose job requires hours in a car, said she tries to avoid rush-hour traffic because of drivers with a me-first attitude. The most common complaint about rudeness in the poll was aggressive or reckless driving, with 91 percent citing it as the most frequent discourtesy.

Margaret Hahn-Dupont, a 39-year-old law professor from Oradell, N.J., noticed that some of her students showed little respect for authority and felt free to express their discontent and demand better grades.

Close on the heels of the baby boomers are the affluent teens and young adults who have known nothing but the conveniences of computers and cell phones, devices that take them away from face-to-face encounters and can be downright annoying in a crowd.

“They got a lot of things and feel entitled to get a lot of things,” said Hahn-Dupont.

Bernard F. Scanlon, 79, of Sayville, N.Y., would like to see one railroad car set aside for cell phone users to ensure peace and quiet for the rest. Amtrak has taken a stab at that by banning cell phones and other loud devices in one car of some trains, especially on chatty Northeast and West Coast routes.

But if those trains are sold out, the Quiet Car service is suspended and anything goes.

How rude.

My answer is: Yes.

I went to the bank yesterday to deposit part of my paycheck that I get from the temp service. I walked in and saw it was fairly busy and that there was a bit of a line. I filled out my deposit slip and then jumped in line with the rest of the folk. There was a lady there who was working with a customer on either a home loan or something along those lines. You know the kind: It takes MASSIVE amounts of paperwork and your first born child.

She excuses herself and gets up, grabbing 2 hands of Tootsie Rolls (the minis). She comes down the line, asking folks if they would like some while we’re waiting. The 5 people in front of me responded with a curt “NO.” I piped in with a “Sure, I’ll take a couple of those” and a “Thanks for bringing them over.” The guy behind me chuckled and chimed in with a “Get back here and we’ll all take you up on the candy offer.” His reply was said with a really big grin, he was happy to help the lady out with her effort on customer service.

As we continued to stand there, the guy behind me and I were laughing and talking and I finally said: “You know, in today’s society where it’s a ’hurry up and give me this now’, it does people a WORLD of GOOD to stand in line and WAIT.” He agreed. I wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere. It was Saturday, I just had to put gas in my truck and head up to Bountiful to meet up with a friend of mine and help her out. I told her that I’d be there between Noon and 1pm.

We both glanced at our watches and he said: “Plenty of time.” and I agreed. I got the money deposited, bade the man farewell, thanked the clerk again for the candy and then jumped in my truck.

but don’t worry, it’s not only in America..

I have to say tho, I am still amazed at how friendly Americans are...compared to other peoples.

This was something I grabbed off of MSN after I’d logged off from Hotmail.

I’ve only visited America on two occasions (although I did do a fair amount of travelling) and I have never found them to be rude or boorish.

In fact, quite the opposite.

One thing I will say about them though. They have customer service industry will and truely tied up. I can’t think of another culture that does it so well.

The rest of the World could learn a lot from them.

Compared to the British - Americans are much nicer/friendlier. I dont mean to insult the British but this is just my personal experience. Some americans were a bit overly friendly if you know what i mean *cough*
Oh and i only lived in the US for a year which is probably not enough time since i only got to explore the east.

all i can say is if you don’t like the way you’re treated when you visit don’t come back :) and yes we have lost alot of our manners here in the states but its mostly the newer generation raised on yo mtv raps and all that shit, personally i think anyone who listens to that stuff should be euthanized

coyboy: should LS then flee from US? ;)

Anyway, as I said before, you are not the only ones with rude idiots in your country.

Here in Austria it’s mostly the younger who just don’t care to learn how to live in a civilized way. Austrians are in average polite, sometimes even too much :P

Actually Spain is full of unpolite people, old and young. Every time I fly home for a week or so I get a shock, as soon as I step down the plane and head to pick my suitcase up. The first time (6 months after I moved to Austria) I was @_@ “how could I live here so long?” Now I love to go to places and just be extra polite, á la Austrian, people look at you as if you’d be from another planet when you say “thank you” or when you get in a shop and say “good afternoon” - once I was even asked where I come from and how come I learnt Catalan :D

Jude: While I have a feeling you were joking about me “fleeing”, it’s been a serious consideration. Politics aside, I’ve got no love for living here. Granted, I’ll probably miss a few things that I had / have here if I move... but at the same time, I have to look at my over-all state of being.

Being in Utah (at least) isn’t conducive.

to be honest I’d flee here but given the world climate towards americans I’d be more likely to get killed over seas then walking the streets of harlem in black face on a friday night, and I’d miss all our wonderful food :)

lol Coyboy! Watched American TV too long again? :D we don’t kill Americans here in Austria or Spain :P

We’ll have to think of a new suitable home for Spooks then...
I’ve heard New Zealand is nice:)

Tibs: You’re scaring me. Within the last month, I’d asked an associate off another forum about information on emmigrating to New Zealand. O_O QWIDDIT!

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