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My life right now... (not what I had dreamt)
9 replies
ally77 said on March 3, 2006 14:38:
I am kind of experiencing the same, planning a move house which is gonna change a lot of things... + lots of other crap going on...
Majdy said on February 28, 2006 21:12:
I don’t really have advice for your situation, because right now I am in almost the same situation as yours. But at least I know how you’re feeling.
I am from Indonesia but since October 05 (just like you), I moved to USA to get marry with my boyfriend.
Suddenly my life changed! In my case, I use to have job and very busy now I felt stranded in my own house! I use to hang out with my friends and now I must wait until weekend so my husband and I can go out together. And the wosrt part is, I seemed scared to go outside home alone right now (dunno why), so I think I became a social-phobia right now. Of course, my condition is making my husband’s sad, but he kept supporting me and now we’re still trying to solve this problems. But I DO believe that things will get better soon, that’s why I believe things will be better for you too. I think we just in the process in how to adapt our new life, and it will take time. My suggestion is try to find fun activities and keep trying to make friends. And don’t forget to take a walk at least 20 min everyday (That’s what I’m trying to do too). Good luck!
denny said on February 28, 2006 23:37:
I hate feeling lonely and being alone. I wish I could tell you anything smart at this moment but unfortunately I can’t because I was never in such situation. I’m surrounded with family and friends all my life (very social) and I could never leave... But I can tell you that people change a lot while growing up and getting older and you find yourself with only a few true friends (out of 100 you had before). And then sometimes you get the feeling like you’re alone, especially when you start having your own family and don’t have time for others so much... Hm, now I started rambling of my own. :/ Anyway, the most important thing to have good friends is to be natural and open. It worked for me.
realmiddlename said on March 2, 2006 18:29:
we’re all here for you.... life is full of highs and lows, find strength in yourself. i can speak from experience....keep your chin up sweetie..........
Debora said on March 2, 2006 19:26:
Well, living it’s not easy, I have no doubt about it. I understand you, and although there are people around me sometimes I feel alone so I think for you must be really hard cos you are away from your family and friends.
Have you tried the MSN? It’s not the same but it makes the world smaller!!
eBay said on March 3, 2006 09:47:
You know what.. I can somewhat relate to how you are feeling at the moment, as there was a time in my life when I was going through times of lonliness too. This was about 3 years ago now and then one day I decided to make a change in my life. I just made the decision to be positive and happy. I know this might sound silly. Well, I just sat down one day and started off with thinking about the things that inspire me. For me that was, music, walks on the beach, writing and running. So that’s what I started to do. It made me feel better and I am convinced, if you truly believe that good things will happen to you and if you truly believe that you will become happy, then this will happen to you. Focus on all the good things in your life. Sit down and maybe even write all the amazing things that you do have in your life right now.
If you feel lonly because you might not have your friends around, try and find some new people that you can relate to. Maybe join a social group, do a course that you might be interested in. But above all, know and realize what a wonderful person you are. I don’t know you, but I believe with all of my heart that each of us are basically good deep down in our hearts. Well, I am not sure if I am talking any sense here at all..
thenicekai said on March 3, 2006 11:12:
Let me sum up what I know about you and find solutions from that.
You are in a new environment now. Your boyfriend left you. You feel lonely. People say that you are extroverted, but you think the opposite. You can’t find friends. Everyone you know over there is only friendly in a superficial way. This might be your current situation, right? Okay, now let us come to the conclusions.
To be real friends is a long process. The people at your university (?) haven’t known each other before. They had other, better friends before whom they miss now. Therefore it is clear to me that they tend to hang around with their old pales as often as they can. It is also clear that everyone at your class has the aim to build this class as a harmonic social society in that way that everyone may feel comfortable with it. But not more because you know that the study will be over one day. It’s just pragmatic thinking. You told us that in the weekends, they all separate and meet their friends of their own. Okay. You did nothing else as long as you had your boyfriend. (By the way, being gay might make it even harder to find acceptance in a group, sorry to say this in these “modern” times.) You surely hung around with him and so you also separated yourself a bit from the class’ society. Now your friend is gone away and you feel lonely. At the same time, you tell us that people do not see you the way you see yourself. How could this come? Is there a chance that you are not “yourself” in public? Shy people tend to make a big show about themselves just to avoid being discovered as shy. I also see that you define yourself by the way other people treat you.
But I think, I have a solution for you. Start to love yourself. Accept yourself. You are a lovable person, and the first person who loves you is....you. This has nothing to do with egoism, not at all! It’s just the feeling that your personality is so kind that you feel comfortable with yourself. Show yourself the world and ask yourself what you really want. Find a way to be yourself when you are in your class. Your aim shall be that the way people see you and you see yourself shall not differ anymore. You will feel happier then, less dependent on other people. And with this changed appearance to the world, it will be easier for you to become accepted and find new friends who love what you really are.
All the best! Kai
edit: typo
skuhm said on March 3, 2006 14:31:
Thank you all who have answered for your words, it’s nice to know others have gone through this, and I really value your advice...
Thenicekai, what can I say, I’m impressed, you have hit the nail in the head with everything you’ve said... You seem to know a lot about psychology... About others’ image of me I’ve always had a big conflict with this. You see, it’s true i’m very dependent on others and I do try my best to be extroverted, but sometimes I’m not so sure if I’m doing the right thing. It’s hard to explain.
I used to be more introverted before, and for a time I didn’t have good friends. Then, I decided I wanted to be a more cheerful, approachable person, and I met some great people and made deep friends who are nowadays very close and special to me. I also made the kind of “superficial friends” I have made here, but not ONLY that type of friend, as it is now.
I think if I reverted to my old introverted self and purposedly became less friendly, I’d be more “myself”, but I also think I’d lose even the superficial friends... That’s why I really don’t know what I want to be.
On the other hand... frankly I do believe that making good friends is also a matter of good luck, having the chance to meet the right people, and that paradoxically makes me feel good. My classmates maybe simply aren’t compatible with me and when i least expect it I’ll make true friends without forcing it, and by now I can concentrate on the good things I have here...
thenicekai said on March 3, 2006 16:24:
Don’t count on the superficial “friends”. It is your life and that sort of friend don’t help you further.
Being introverted does not mean to become unfriendly. Be friendly, try to be open but don’t try to be everybody’s darling. If you want to find real friends, they will see in a moment if you are “real” or not.
Think twice, this is a long process. Keep calm, in the end, you will have a better life.
PS: I’m not a psychologist but I know a lot about people ;-)
skuhm said on February 28, 2006 20:26:
Hi people! I need to express my feelings about my life as it is right now... I know it’s rather egoistical of me but I really need to let it all out :(
Right now I live an ocean away from my home, and because I decided to: I came to this place to study the career I had dreamt, so in a way I’m fulfilling my dream... But I’m really unhappy :( I have been living here since october ’05 and I miss terribly my friends. Here in univesity I do have some “friends” but they’re just not the same. When we’re in class they’re very friendly to me and all of that, and once in a while we do party together, but the truth us that most of times when the weekend comes, everyone has their own group of friends outside the university and I spend those days alone.
Three weeks ago I wasn’t that concerned about that: I had a boyfriend, I loved him loads and he sort of fullfilled my life, I didn’t need anyone else... but three weeks ago he told me he wanted to go on only as friends... I feel better about that now, but it was hard, and soon I realised without him I was very very lonely.
Well, I must be annoying you all so, summing up, I feel really lonely and out of place and I don’t know what to do about it. In my home land I have many friends and although i’m shy I think (and people say) I’m extroverted, but I just don’t seem to find true friends here, and I don’t know if it’s just a matter of (bad) luck or if I’m doing something wrong... If you tell me your opinions I’ll be very thankful and anyway thanks for reading my rant ;)