I recieved these in an email the other day and I thought I should share them with everyone! Please do not be offended by any of the material in here, it is meant for laughs strictly!

Enjoy! rOxIe

Deep Observations on Life:

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car”– author unknown

“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”–Jeff Foxworthy

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner!”– Lynda Montgomery

“Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you had to line up quietly in single file from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall burn slower?–Warren Hutcherson

“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” –Johnny Carson

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” Jerry Seinfeld

“Do you know why they call it “PMS?” Because “Mad Cows Disease” was taken.–Author Unknown, presumed dead.

“Mom said she learned to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said “Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.”–Paula Poundstone

And my personal favorite line:

“A good friend will come bail you out of jail....but a TRUE friend will be sitting next to you saying “Damn...WE screwed up!!”