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how do we know if someone is gay?
52 replies
lawyer said on September 3, 2003 18:41:
Comment removed by author
LittleSpooky said on September 3, 2003 20:20:
Are you having a problem with this, or just asking in general?
If you don’t know whether or not someone is gay, ASK! But be polite about it. If you’re unsure as to whether or not you’re gay... I don’t know what to tell you on that.
For a while, I honestly wondered myself if I was bi-sexual or not. I solved that problem REAL fast. It was something that I watched and discussed with a friend of mine who is bi, and we’ve both come to the conclusion that I’m straight, I just suffer from an adult form of “Failure To Thrive”.
Roxlander said on September 3, 2003 22:28:
Those points are not about being gay or not, are about being in love.
I think all we must acept our feelings, it doesn’t matter if we have those feelings for a woman or a man.
kachina008 said on September 4, 2003 10:29:
spooky: ur statement about asking politely if a person is gay or not brought this incident to my mind when I did just that...
I was naive, inexperienced, but determined to be open about it. so this is how the conversation went:
me: uhhh...I wanna ask you a straight question. are you gay?
him: a STRAIGHT question? HAHAHAHAHAH...etc.
He was bi, with a great sense of humor *phew*
kachina008 said on September 4, 2003 14:33:
He’s in love with you, dude. get a clue.
Edit: come to think of it....how old are you guys? it might be a good old fashioned crush.
wendy said on September 4, 2003 18:59:
I say “I wish to slap you” he says “If you wish, you can do it” I say “Nice joke?” He ’No i mean it wherever you want to slap me, You can”.
That doesn’t means he love you....maybe he does,but,maybe he’s just sexual interested in you :p
Roxlander said on September 4, 2003 19:10:
@lawyer, I think you should talk with that guy. I must admit that I’ve been in situations like that. Sometimes I like a guy, but I can’t tell him I do, so I start sending sings. Some guys have come to me and ask me if I’m gay or what’s going on between us, but others just try to be rude to show me they’re not interested in gays.
If you feel he’s gay and he’s interested on you, in any way, you better go and ask him, but don’t be rude, feelings like love or friendship must be always apreciated.
Roxlander said on September 5, 2003 13:14:
Pakistan?!! Well, then you certainly can’t ask him. My final verdict is...”he is gay”. I feel sorry for him, because I guess in the Middle East being gay there must be harder than other places.
kachina008 said on September 5, 2003 19:45:
ERM. I’m not sure if you just “turn” gay, dude.
And for ur second qn, just tell him you aren’t.
Just don’t break his heart, aiight?
i_jera said on September 6, 2003 18:05:
I think you should talk with him about that and explain him you don’t want to be insulted by him anymore. Don’t turn it into argument, but stand on your point... and make sure he understands you right.
matt05 said on January 2, 2004 01:45:
I am bi, and i was wondering how do i know if this guy likes me. He lives close to me and i have noticed him staring at me. I have never spoke to him, but i have a feeling he likes me. How should i approach this? Thanks....
Insane-Teen said on February 3, 2004 23:55:
Hi I am 15 male Ottawa I am dying to know if this guy is gay i know. I am inlove with him but i don’t know the signs and he only talks to me once in a blue moon and i am nervous to talk to him. what should i do how do i know he is gay? he says hes homophobic is he?
coyboyusa said on February 4, 2004 07:23:
lol be careful i had a str8 guy in hs that used to flirt with my ” playingly” all the time and the one time I asked his friend if he was gay and they all stopped talkin to me and it turns out they were all very homophobic and got a kick outta seein me enjoy him screwin with my head :) and no unfortunately not the one between my legs :)
Small-talker said on February 14, 2004 21:27:
Wow! This is a bit silly, no?
How can you tell if someone is gay?
1) They keep staring the hell out of you
2) They’re obsessive about their appearance, i.e: they’re into fashion, and spent a huge amount of haircare products.
3) They generally act “floopy” and “lightheaded” -i.e: bimbos (not all of them, mind you!)
4) The voice! They talk funny!
5) If they’re not “out of the closet”, they generally act secretive, and don’t communicate often!
And there you go... take it from someone who’s been in the same class as about 10 gay boys!
PS: 6) They’re UNATTRACTIVE!
Santi said on February 14, 2004 21:50:
Tell a female friend of yours to talk to him and if he gives her advices about the hair and other kind of beauty tips he’s definitely gay :p
wendy said on February 15, 2004 11:18:
Small Talker,i don’t think every gay talks funny and all that,my boss is gay,and,his BF works also in the salon,and,he’s such a macho,you can’t see he’s gay!!! He even was married once :p
Well,and i don’t agree with being unactractive either,cuz,most gays are so handsome :p
At least,in belgium :p
zeeshan said on February 16, 2004 07:01:
Hey Wasif.. so was he a gay? did you find out? This thing also happened to me. I had to go and perform at a 2-in-1 Valentines Day/Basant party. I reached the place a bit late cuz I was stuck at Jimmy’s and there were a lot of gay/lesbian couples (the last place I expected them to be lol). Anyways and there were 3 guys looking at me and my friend. We were all dressed up of course, ready to go and rock and roll as it was our first major gig (not a huge one though). I got annoyed the way the little dude was looking at me. So I went to him and started talking to him and asked him why he was looking at me and he was like ehh well I kinda like the way you are sitting :=| LOLS.. so I asked him if he was a gay and he accepted it but then I talked him out of that lol and then the same night when I was at the party checking the guitars if they were properly tuned or not this dude (Moomy) came to me and started talking me. He had the worst pick up line... “I have seen you somewhere but where? Maybe I saw you in my dream” Lols that was soo funny and then we started talking. Later he told me that he was attracted to me (ok so why do I attrack men? lol :-p) but I excused him of course.
The way I see it... you have to be very careful when talking to someone who is attracted to you. SPECIALLY if they belong to the same sex. Gay men are very sensitive and sometimes stupid(ok so start flaming me now) heheh. Like this dude Moomy couldn’t really believe that I didn’t like him or am not interested in a man-to-man thingy so I had to take a lot of care when I was talking to him cuz I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. My friend Sheila knew the guy and had somehow guessed the situation so she came and hugged me and whispered to me that Moomy happens to be a big gay freak, took me with her to the girl’s side ;) :D:D:D
Gay men are a part of our society. We must learn to accept them and their feelings and we must respect their desires and the best way to do it is to be straight and honest with them. If they still don’t understand you... simply ignore them in a way that it won’t hurt them.
Z
[EDIT: damn enter button]
[EDIT: spelling mistakes :s]
[EDIT: more spelling mistakes :sx2]
zeeshan said on February 17, 2004 06:39:
Touched your hip? lol yeah ok he wants sex for sure. You just moved away? I think you should have talked to him or something.
Z
carbon_boy said on February 17, 2004 07:58:
Miss Medusa, where are you now?! Jy moet lees! Ek het nog nooit sulke kak in my hele lewe gehoor nie!
@Small-Talker: Is that how you know if someone’s gay? Shame, poor you! You’ve obviously lived a sheltered life. What you mentioned above is a gay stereotype. Obviously been watching way too many movies on the subject.... hmmm, i wonder.
“1) They keep staring the hell out of you”
>They’re probably staring at the booger smeared across your cheek.
“2) They’re obsessive about their appearance, i.e: they’re into fashion, and spent a huge amount of haircare products.”
>Gay guys have money. Its a fact. They buy the more expensive labels, and there’s something wrong with that? Mind you, 90% of them wouldnt even know who Calvin Klein is or what D&G stands for, but they’ll buy the clothes. And where does the haircare product bit come from? I only know about shampoo and conditioner.
“3) They generally act “floopy” and “lightheaded” -i.e: bimbos (not all of them, mind you!)”
>Erm... Ever popped a pill or smoked some weed? Maybe you should try some - you’ll end up acting the same.
“4) The voice! They talk funny!”
>You dont smoke, do you?
“5) If they’re not “out of the closet”, they generally act secretive, and don’t communicate often!”
>No SH!T - cos they’re IN the bloody buggery closet!
“And there you go... take it from someone who’s been in the same class as about 10 gay boys!”
>So that makes you an expert? LOL!
“PS: 6) They’re UNATTRACTIVE!”
>Shame, poor thing... you really need to get out more. Obviously deprived...
_____________________________________
OK, MY turn - how do you know if a guy is gay?
You’ll only know if he:
1)Comes out to you
2)Introduces you to his boyfriend
3)Tells you he thinks you’re hot
4)Tries to make a sexual move on you
5)Is wearing a “Proud to be Gay” badge.
AND @ Lawyer: Question for you - why the interest in gay guys? Are you also “a gay”? I’m sorry, but I take offence to you using the term “a gay”. I dont call straight people “a straight” and therefore dont appreciate you or others calling gay ppl “a gay”.
Cheers
Lars-Erik_Olson (moderator) said on February 23, 2004 00:22:
@ Carbon Boy... the use of “a gay” (when we would prefer just “gay”) is not necessarily meant to be derogatory or a put-down. I’ve heard it phrased that way often enough by people who are not homophobic to have learned that it’s just an error made in translating the rules of grammar. For example, I’ve heard gay Brazilians say it that way when speaking English... as they have Portugese sentence structure in their heads. So there’s no need to take offense. We need to make allowances. For many of our readers, it’s a challenge to write in English... and we appreciate their efforts.
kachina008 said on February 23, 2004 10:36:
Lars: how to address a person then?
lawyer: nicely diplomatic ;)
carbon_boy said on February 24, 2004 08:28:
@ Lawyer: seeing that you agree with Lars, you can use “gay” now that you know, and not “a gay”.
Thats all
Cheers
antz said on February 25, 2004 00:07:
OMG!
I can’t believe this thread has gone on for sooo looong!
Now I feel I have to add my 10 cents!
I agree with Lars comment, but to help carbon boy out, here are my thoughts:
I hear people say “a gay” all the time, even though English is their first language! People should realise that it should’nt be used as a label, saying it this way makes it sound negative. Instead it should be a positive thing. You would’nt say someone is “a happy.” or ” a handsome.” You would say someone is happy or someone is handsome.
@lawyer: I am confused, are you trying to convict someone of being “a gay” or do you just want someone to say that what you are feeling is ok?
Are you the “sinless” one?
Edit: grammar and spelling corrections (damn it!)
Edit 2: Damn it again, honestly English IS my first language!
carbon_boy said on February 25, 2004 06:40:
@ MissMedusa: Ja, ek voel dieselfde!
@ Antz: Right on!
@ Lawyer: It seems to me you are seriously confused. Being Gay is NOT a choice, nor a “friendship” feeling. Gay guys and girls have the same attraction to their own sex as straight guys would have to girls and the other way around. Oh, and don’t bring the religion thing into this either. There are far worse sinful things set in religions than being gay.
wildcolor said on February 25, 2004 08:04:
what the waste of time? seriously go and ask.
@ Lawyer: Listen to me carefully, what is your problem? Look I’m not offending you but just trying to consult you, may be I can help you with some of it ok? But first of all you’ve to be honest with me. I would like to know that did you ever have sex with members of same sex that was quite terrifying that makes you hate and runaway from the word “Gay”? Is this word or if someone calls some other person “Gay”, does the life come to an end? Do you love someone truly and now you’re not too sure of his feelings and want to categorize the person as “Gay”? I read your views about being “Gay”and seems to me like may be, just may be you are trying to differentiate the sexual desire and urge as something “Gay” and strong liking for same members of sex as “NOT BEING GAY”? Or the people around you know you so much that you’re afraid to talk honestly about the matter. If you honestly answer these questions and reveal your problems and approaches, I can definitely help you with it.
@ Carbon boy: I myself am not religious but when it comes to sin, every sin should be considered a sin and not that claming some sin as “Bigger sin” gives excuse to do the smaller sin.
Small-talker said on February 25, 2004 15:42:
But I’ve heard gay people say “I’m a gay” more times than “I’m gay”. I don’t see what the prblem is.... gay is gay!
And Carbon Boy - when exactly is a gay (that’s correct usage, by the way!) not a stereotype. Make love in the bum (DISGUSTING!!!!), fancing same sex... all sounds the same ot me!
BTW, that thing is for peeing out of, not for sticking where excrement comes out of. Oh dear God, think of the germs getting in there! Why can’t you just do something nice, like kiss or something!
purplemedusa said on February 25, 2004 18:10:
’Ro... dit lyk my jy’t jouself knie-diep in die stront. God(met ’n t)!! Wag dat ek hier in klim... dan gaan die kak spat!!
>>Will be here soon!!
purplemedusa said on February 26, 2004 07:11:
... Well not for long anyways...
I’m way passed the “Barney does gender education”.
@ Laywer; I think it’s time for you to get laid, man! (Try it... it’s really a good way of passing time) It might just clear up any confusions you might have... and then start a Discussion about your experience
carbon_boy said on March 2, 2004 06:24:
@ Miss Medusa - Ive had enough of “Barney does gender edu” as well. Some people will just always be naive when it comes to sex and life. I guess it’s just the way the world turns. I think mainly it’s a question of age as well. I dunno how old some of the “flamers” above are, if I had to guess they’re still in their teens. And that explains quite a lot.
@ Lawyer - Yep, my boy, you need to get laid. Btw, since when is sex “dirty”? I’d rather not say what Im thinking right now....
Cheers
purplemedusa said on March 2, 2004 08:27:
@Carbon; I hope it’s about Ed!! Angle, hope ur well!! Sorry that I’ve been so quiet lately... rushing between UCT, CAB Films and Pickled Art. Will chat soon! I Promise!!
Hugz,
PM
arnie said on March 6, 2004 13:58:
the answer is very simple: when they like to be with people of the same sex as them...
kachina008 said on September 3, 2003 19:04:
I’m not gay, but I can recognize signs of being in love when I see it :)