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Pieces of humor :)
3 replies
Malmo said on February 15, 2004 15:27:
A story about how different nations bear cold
+10 C: Americans are shivering with cold. Russians plant cucumbers in their vegetable gardens.
+1.6 C: Italians can’t start engines of their cars. Russians ride in cars with their side windows opened.
0 C: Water crystallizes in America. In Russia water gets thick.
-17 C: House owners in New York city turn on their heating systems. Russians go out for picnic the last time in the season.
-42 C: Transport doesn’t function in Europe. Russians eat ice-cream on open air.
-73 C: Finnish special forces evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland. Russians put on their caps with ear-flaps (shapka-ushanka).
-114 C: Ethyl alcohol solidifies. Russians are in a bad mood.
-273 C: Absolute zero. Atomic motion stops. Russians grumbles: “Fuc*! It’s damn cold out there!”
-295 C: Catholics have the devils frozen in Hell. Russian football team becomes the World champion.
I’m sure, there’re a lot of funny anecdotes in different countries all over the world. Could somebody write down some the most popular anecdote in his/her native country? ’cmon let’s smile and laugh together! :))))
Malmo said on February 20, 2004 11:34:
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ABOUT AUTOMATED FLIGHT/APPROACH/TAKING-OFF CONTROL SYSTEMS
People mistakenly suppose that planes fly disorderly (higgledy-piggledy).
There are some special, very complicated and very clever systems for flights monitoring.
Such a system usually involves tipsy dispatcher, buttoned desk and radar. On radar screen one could see little green spots, which represent flying planes. The quantity of green spots depends on sobriety degree of dispatcher.
Dispatcher’s obligations include:
1. Say to pilots when to approach;
2. Say to pilots when to take off;
3. Say to pilots on which altitude they must fly;
4. Say: “Oh, shit! Beg pardon!” if a plane suddenly collides with another one or falls into a sea.
There is a headphone placed on dispatcher’s ears. When he gets tired of pilots idle chatter he tunes on radio “Nostalgia”. Planes start to fly round and round then, frighten to commit landing – they don’t really see anything from above, they are just like kids actually…
Once in two hours dispatcher establishes the order in airspace. He takes microphone and shout out loud: ”Keep silent in air, idiots! Stop talking! For whom I’ve said!” Scared pilots become silent and dispatcher walks for 15 minutes smoke-session (break for smoking) with sense of done duty.
When dispatcher comes back, he finds out that number of green spots is decreased. The fact may denote that: a) dispatcher has slightly sobered up; b) some planes have fallen in to sea nevertheless.
But you mustn’t think that dispatcher remains unpunished – he loses 5% of his salary for every fallen plane!
A dispatcher is absolutely sure that buttons on a desk are made only for switching the lamps that are next to buttons. Switching all lamps will be enough for being able to read a newspaper.
But, as rule (usually), dispatcher presses buttons only when someone is watching him (maybe someone of high management :). But such a watching doesn’t occur very often – everyone always trusts him, there’re no other ways in aviation. We must trust to each other…
The one, who has ever visited dispatcher’s work-room and has seen how it all works, will never ever fly on airplanes, but will always prefer trains. This is stupid idea too, because railroadmans are using Automated Control Systems as well. :))))
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harriej said on February 15, 2004 22:09:
-295 C?
Seems that there is a new absolute zero-point :)