It’s 12:32AM. Usually by this time of the night, I am all tired and hopeless trying to get on with my studyings, listening to sad songs and thinking of those who are having a good time partying or even sleeping. Tonight is different. I started an awful day and things got better and better and now I am jumping up and down. Have I gone nuts? Have I lost it? I dunno!

For a while, I thought I was going dumber and dumber by day. My average has gone from an A+ to B+ which to me is BAD. Never was used to getting B+s and never will be. School has taken longer than expected although I have been taking 6 courses each term, even summers for the past 5 years. It’s not like I have taken time off of school. It apparently takes long to do a double major which I never knew about! Yeah so a month ago, one of my profs posted this job on the co-op (for those who don’t know what co-op is, it’s sort of like internship and ofcourse mandatory at my school) website which I loved. I was never supposed to go on a workterm next term but I loved the job so much that I applied, changing all my plans for the spring. The week after, another prof posted another job that I liked even more. People usually apply for 20 jobs to get an interview. I got interviews for both and only jobs I’d applied for. Well I had the interview for the first job last week. Today I found out I was chosen for that job. Today I also found out that I am having an interview tomorrow for the 2nd job. I mean come on… Actually I never thought I would get the 1st job. 5 other students were interviewed as well, all guys, and the job requires a lot of mechanical work. Why me? I guess I am back on track?!

Well it’s 12:38 now and for the past 1 hour, I have been putting on The Rolling Stones. I decided to study at home tonight as most students are done with their exams and our lab is just too quiet to study in. It’s depressing. So I am jumping up and down, drinking coffee and throwing my fist at my Freddie Mercury poster, singing along with Mick Jagger. Satisfaction is what I’ve been playing for the past hour and seems like I ain’t getting tired of it. It’s an awesome feeling. Whoever is looking at me from the window would think I am high and drunk on a bottle of Scotch. They wouldn’t know school has done its damage. Why am I so happy? Because in this field of engineering where every once in a while I am told girls are not suited for the field, I have got a job I love with so much competition. After so long, I have my confidence back. I feel happy. I feel like all my hard work is paying off. Not only that, I just feel alive today. Dunno why! I just do! Wooohaaaaa…. It’s good to release the stress every once in a while, eh?!

Tonight is different. I am marking it in my calendar. I usually write about how sad I am and go on writing about Per’s songs… no… tonight is The Rolling Stones night for me. Tonight is the night I like to go insane, throw my fist at the ceiling and laugh not knowing why!!! Am I on drugs? No… I stay away from things that give me momentary satisfaction.

Every once in a while, we need an interview, a job offer or a clap of a hand to gain our confidence back and get that self-reassurance. I raise my glass to all of you who once told me things would be better. Things are better and I will MAKE them better. Cheers!

Damineh
12:47AM, Wednesday, December 17th 2003
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada